Being in a relationship, whether in a marriage or just being committed, has its share of compromises. From divvying up your closet space to splitting the bills, each aspect of sharing your life with someone is bound to come with some “me” versus “we.” Many will agree that this is reasonable and to be expected of relationships. But when differences of opinion affect those outside of the relationship, it can leave one partner feeling like they have to defend themselves in light of the other’s mishaps. For most, the secret to a happy medium is all about personal choice.
Take for example the couple America loves to hate, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. In June 2009, Heidi was left to defend her husband against the controversial and cruel comments he made against weatherman and news anchor, Al Roker. In an attempt to retaliate against Roker, who had previously interviewed the couple on the Today show asking the couple if they were “proud” of their behaviour on the reality show, I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!, Spencer claimed that the news reporter was “abusive to women” among other heinous comments. The media frenzy resulted in the ban of the couple from places such as E! and Oh No They Didn’t for overexposure. Heidi reacted by stating that she is innocent and not responsible for her husband’s actions.
But is she? Being in relationship, let alone a marriage, says to the world that you are part of a united front. When faced with adverse opinions, it can be a lot trickier to stand by your man.
This concept proved to be a challenge for Maggie. A 24-year old freelance photographer, Maggie was living with her boyfriend Paul for almost three years when they decided to take in a roommate to help with the bills. Paul had been out of work for several months and the couple was barely making ends meet. When Paul’s friend moved in they were able to catch up on some bills. Still, Paul was struggling and decided to stage a robbery and steal their roommate’s DJ equipment so he could get some cash. Ultimately, Paul confessed to both his friend and to Maggie what he had done. Maggie, embarrassed by Paul’s actions felt it was too much to handle and moved out, sans Paul.
“Everyone makes mistakes, and people are entitled to their differences, but what he did spoke to his character,” she says. Clearly, we all have our battles to pick and Maggie just didn’t want to go to war with Paul on his stealing ways. Maggie is still confident she’ll find someone she’s willing to stand by, but she has learned that her loyalty doesn’t have to come at the expense of decent behaviour.
Relationship experts recommend that couples listen to each other’s point of view when having a difference of opinion. It’s better to discuss things at this stage before they become heated arguments. Sure, it’s easier said than done, but listening to your partner may help you understand why they fly off the handle every time you broach a certain topic. It’s about respecting their opinion and their perspective. Once you’ve heard your partner’s point of view, resist making a judgment and most importantly, don’t criticize. Conflicts are guaranteed in any relationship. The key to overcoming such conflict is how these differences are handled. Often times, one partner will get to a point where they need to decide whether they can support the other’s behaviour, like in Maggie’s case.
Maybe the joke’s on us and Heidi and Spencer have it all figured out after all, at least when it comes to supporting each other in adversity. Last week Heidi revealed that she had recently undergone plastic surgery with an overwhelming ten procedures in one day, including hip and thigh liposuction, butt augmentation and another breast augmentation, to name a few. Heidi told People magazine that although her husband did not approve of her surgeries, he supported her decision.
“For the past few years he’s been like, ‘No, Heidi—you are so beautiful. This is out of control.’ But I’m my own person and I knew in my heart what I wanted.” Even the seemingly attached-at-the-hip fame-obsessed duo has a bit of autonomy within the relationship when it comes to their opinions. Let’s hope Spencer has some influence on Heidi when it comes to all the plastic surgery she has in the works. That would definitely be an appropriate topic where his opinions should become her own
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